You see there is this patch of green across the road that ever since I’ve moved into the area I’ve enjoyed noticing, walking past on a daily basis and appreciating its green welcome. Also during that time I’ve day dreamt of ideas that could transform that space into a magical space where people come together to connect, to grow things, to be and to build something that belonged to them.
For long enough I had the idea, I cradled it, I told people I wanted to do something like it, I wanted to nurture the green and make it meaningful. But for most of the time that I held that idea I always always made it BIG in my head, it always had a weight to it that I was never ready to commit to.
It felt overwhelmingly like a project that I would have to steer and control to make it exactly the way I imagined it. There were people to ask permission of, there was FEAR of upsetting people and people saying NO. As a result, 3 or 4 years went by where I did nothing, NOTHING at all about my dream.
And I kept talking about it, all the while feeling terrible that I had not done ANYTHING yet! I would put it out of my mind while I dealt with others more pressing things that were happening in my life, like taking courses, redundancy, travelling and building a business. However, it kept showing up in my mind and heart, and the more I talked about it the more real the possibility became. Finally at the beginning of this year, I finally felt all of it! All the values and time and possibility, it felt like it was drawing together, like just maybe I was ready to start creating the thing I had imagined.
I remember it clearly. I was surrounded by the lightness of spring. I had just had a very excitable chat with a friend who lives nearby about beginning, about creating and being in that space. I put it in my head that the beginning of summer would be the perfect time to get started.
Then one day in May I was practically skipping down the street after a day at the Botanics, feeling invigorated and hopeful about the possibilities. I stepped in my front door, I saw a letter on the floor and I knew what it was without even picking it up. It was a planning application notification for the patch of land. My beautiful green oasis full of hope.
I was heartbroken.
I buried my head in the sand for a week. I didn't know what to do. I knew I had to object but I didn't know how, I didn't know how to express how I felt about this, certainly how to express the weight of it. Maybe I was being dramatic but I felt it anyway.
In the end, I found some words to fit and submitted them as an objection. Still heartbroken I knew I had to listen to this emotion. Surely if I didn't care it's wouldn't have hurt this much!
It felt like a sign or a test from the Universe, It felt like I was being kicked for waiting too long. After some thought I realised that I'd been thinking too big, making it seem overwhelming and impossible, and I knew I still wanted to create something. Something smaller but still with impact. Something because I care.
So that is exactly what I'm going to do! No matter what happens with that particular piece of green I'm going to begin exploring this patch of peace with hidden possibility.
AND
It starts tomorrow 17th July 1-5pm. POP UP PEACE- The Grassy Corner of Hawthornvale.
Come and sit down next to me for a chat about peaceful places, connection and community. Or you might even like to have a chat about an area of your life that you're feeling a bit stick with and would like my listening ear and questions to help you do something about it.
See you there
with warmth and wonder
Jaimie xx